i am anti cute and wont take my girlfriend home who wanrs to go to bed
Birmingham is full of vile people. I want to leave here so badly.
John Mulaney -Hit his girlfriend with his motorcycle once
Aziz Ansari - Called him “Aziz-i Top” for close to 3 months
Jim Gaffigan - Took a dump in his toilet & didn’t flush
David Cross - Keeps making Alvin & The Chipmunks jokes around him
Kumail Nanjiani - Borrowed one of his shirts and never returned it
Maria Bamford - Did that thing where he pointed at her shirt and was like “you have a stain there” and when she looked down he kicked her in the shin
Eugene Mirman - Challenged him to a duel, then didn’t show up
Tig Notaro - Cut off a lock of her hair & put it in his diary
Patton Oswalt - Cut off a lock of his hair & put it in his butt
Hannibal Buress - Straight up broke both his legs
Jerry “The King” Lawler Vs. Andy Kaufman.
April 5th, 1983.